Being a People Pleaser

The meaning of ‘people pleaser’ is where you basically do things for other people. Normally people would suggest that you’re doing it because you’re kind or nice, but I would do it due to my size. I would feel like if I didn’t do it people would talk about my weight or make fun of me just because I didn’t want to do something for them.

This fear of being judged due to my weight made me do things for people even though I never wanted to, but I just did because I was scared to be bullied or scared to be alone, because I feared that people would leave me. In all honesty I felt as if I was trapped. I felt that if I did something that made me happy, but other people didn’t like it I felt as if I was upsetting them or being the most horrible person ever just because I did something for me. This thought made me believe that if I did something for myself then people around me would be upset or angry with me.

Being a people pleaser can be so exhausting mentally, as well a physically because you’re putting yourself last. You’re neglecting yourself just because you want the people around you to be happy, whilst you’re isolating yourself because you don’t know how to feel due to the exhaustion.

Also, with people pleasing you don’t have time for yourself because there really isn’t any boundaries set as I used to answer to anyone if they needed help no matter what time of the day it was, I didn’t want to feel like the bad person that wasn’t there for their friend.

To be able to overcome from always saying yes to people is saying no to that person. Yes, I know it’s hard to say no but it’s important to be able to set those boundaries because as much as you may find it important to be there for others it’s also important to be there for yourself.

Also remember you have a choice, and you deserve to use that choice on what’s good for you and don’t use that choice on the other person as you need to be there for yourself as you would for a friend. I also realised that people come and go in our lives so why spend loads of time pleasing them trying to get their ‘approval’ in some sort of why when there are lots of other people that will be coming into your life so instead of wasting energy on doing stuff you don’t like use some of that energy on yourself and look after yourself as you are important, worthy and valued to be able to be who you are and don’t fear losing people because maybe they weren’t meant to be in your life as you deserve better 😊.

Contributed by Isha Limbachia
First Steps ED Community Member