The Journey, the Fear & the Hope 

The first day we met your Dad and me
Talked of how a future together could be
That first date we realised we both felt the same
Our life’s journey began then our miracles came….
I say you are miracles as that’s what you are
The chances felt out of reach by so far
Yet something inside us a feeling so clear
Told us to fight and face all the fear
The day you were born ( was a bit of a shock!)
Your early arrival, the time on the clock
That was the day when two became four
The first time I felt whole, I couldn’t want for more
Now when I see you, 25 and young men
Its hard to find words, put paper to pen
But I feel it’s important to share how I feel
Love in abundance & fears very real
As a parent you assume if you love and you care,
Nothing can hurt you , it just wouldn’t dare
Cos the lioness inside me grew stronger each day
Assuming this would suffice, keep you from harm’s way
When on that Sunday you looked at your plate
Said you weren’t hungry, I thought, ok just sit & wait……
What I’d not realised was the force and the hold
Already this illness, such a lot it controlled
Forward wind 14 years and the pain that we feel
It cuts like a knife, this illness so real
Yet still the perception from so many opinionated souls
We could easily fix this, we needed to be told
So then started the deluge of comments and more
Our son had lost weight, as if we were blind for sure
The suggestions, the comments the lack of support
Our parenting being questioned very much falling short
What most didn’t realise is right from the start
Between us no secrets, always spoke from the heart
The lack of understanding of our living hell
It opened large cracks and the 4 of us fell
For more than half your lives this force deep inside
It chipped away at our armour, didn’t care, didn’t hide
It bore into every inch of your soul
We felt we were falling down an endless hole
I say “we” because right from the start
We were always a team, an alliance at heart
Because what this illness will never do
Is weaken the force that we share with you
We have all had to learn that this illness is real
Overwhelming our family, often dictating how we feel
The look in your eyes & the depth of your pain
Overwhelming your feelings very often became
The guilt as a parent, we could always do more
Gut instincts can be doubted, you cannot be sure
The balancing act between heaven and hell
And important we check in on your brother as well
So as your mum, what can I say
The daemons they’ve often got in the way
They’ve robbed you of much of your teenage years
The anguish for us all, the sum of our fears
The hard facts are love isn’t always enough
 the life that you live, often challenging & tough
But I also know that we will never give in
This illness can’t break us, we can’t let it win
I’ve learnt that together when four become one,
This in itself makes us four times more strong
I promise you ALL i’ll do what it takes
But there are also promises I’m unable to make…….
So if ok i ask something of you
I need you to believe what I say it is true
You and your brother and your dad
You’re the best family unit I could ever have had
Thank you for opening my eyes help me see
I’m trying to be the best mum I can be
And I won’t ever stop finding ways to help you cope
I firmly believe there will always be hope
My promise & my commitment always
Unconditional love ’til the end of my days
Who knows what in time our lives they could be
Let’s hold each other tight embrace the hope to feel free ♥︎

Contributed by Kathy Fare.