When I (23M) first met my partner (24F) at the time, she was almost trying to regain control of her eating but didn’t seem to be quite ready for that at the time. She had been involved with many services that appeared to be very keen to help her at the time. However, she chose not to engage with or listen to any of their advice; this then caused her to be discharged from their services due to a lack of adherence.

On that fateful day of her discharge from this service, she did not ask me politely; she asked me to leave the house and go home. All I wanted to do was tell her that everything was going to be okay and that we would get through this long but hard journey together. However, I knew this was not what she wanted to hear.

Fast-forward a year, and she was finally ready to start this journey again. She reached back out for support\, and due to the longer waiting lists within the NHS, we were referred to an external service known as First Steps ED. She was understandably nervous at the prospect of having to explain everything to another person who she had never met before. He turned out to be one of the most understanding, empathetic, and real people I have ever personally met and would have loved to have in my corner at the height of my own ED. His name is Will. Will, was a very calm individual who never hesitated to get me involved in therapy sessions. He was also keen on input from me about my partner’s habits and the irrational thoughts of hating me, repeatedly challenging this. I knew in my heart that we needed to do this. Which often ended in a couple of stern words following each therapy session. In total, 12 of these.

So why am I writing this blog post?

Well, the main reason for this blog post is to raise awareness and hopefully help people who have both been in my shoes as a patient and a partner. Watching your significant other go through all the trials and tribulations, forces them to face the demons and beliefs they heavily rely on as a way of controlling things that seem out of their control. Furthermore, each session was becoming increasingly more challenging, with Will gradually increasing her eating habits, with the end goal of eating a 3-course meal at her sister’s wedding, which was in a couple of weeks from the start of therapy.

The first couple of weeks involved her incorporating smaller foods, like yoghurt, eventually escalating to eating yoghurt with fruit and then something more substantial such as yoghurt that was very thick with a banana and maybe some toast. By the end of the 6/7th session, I could see the true difference in the effort that my partner was making in the sessions. My partner stopped worrying as much and started leaning on me for support and asking me whether I thought that this portion size was a suitable one. Which, to me, was an amazing achievement, and I made sure to celebrate these little wins, like me cooking one of her favourite foods or taking her for a small treat somewhere or to the cinema.

Finally, the last session was upon us, which was a massively daunting thing as we suddenly had to deal with the fact that we no longer had the support of Will. We wouldn’t be able to ask the questions that we wanted to ask, but I felt ready. My partner had been instilled with a few coping mechanisms to challenge her inner voices telling her that she “wasn’t good enough for anyone’, and the only way for this to improve was ‘to get skinny like the rest of the girls.’

We have come leaps and bounds from the girl who would be restricting herself every day, crying, and having all these other health issues due to her weight. I cannot stress enough how grateful I am to First Steps ED for all their help with everything for my partner.  I can now report that my partner has taken the main steps and has developed into someone who is living and breathing each day and embracing foods that I never thought she would even try.

I wanted to thank you personally, Will, for everything that you have allowed both me and my partner to accomplish since the therapy has finished. I am happy to report that although there are good and bad days for her eating habits, most of the bad days are gone and have swapped to be good days, which she can recognise and change her habits accordingly to challenge this behaviour.