Around 2019, my mental health drastically declined and hit crisis point. I was coming to terms with childhood trauma and I was not in a good space. As a result I began struggling badly with my relationship with food.
Prior to this struggle to 2017, my parents were going through a messy divorce and as a way of coping I’d comfort eat/binge. I don’t understand the physiological reason for this, but I do know my parents attention was elsewhere so I ended up eating junk.
Back to 2019 though, I began restricting my food intake, and skipping meals etc. no one noticed though as I could be considered “overweight”, so essentially I was just losing weight to get “healthy”. I eventually got help for my mental health, and whilst I was getting help, my issues around food were raised. I was told if I didn’t eat I’d be hospitalised ( I had gone 2 days without eating).
I eventually ate out of fear but began purging. And when this got found out people were angry. To me it didn’t seem like anyone cared WHY I was found what I was doing. It wasn’t for attention or to “look bad” it was a form of control, a way to punish my body. I was really unwell and needed help but was to ashamed to ask for it.
And then my social worker introduced me to Tellmi, and no exaggeration my life turned around.
Tellmi allowed me to connect with many other individuals who were like me. People struggling with eating disorders but didn’t fit the “criteria”. I felt heard. I felt seen. I was acknowledged. It felt good. I was able to talk to people who made me see the severity of my illness. And despite being “healthy weight” they made me see an eating disorder isn’t to do with weight, but to do with the minds negative relationship with food. And I finally saw it too. And I began to speak to people in real life about my struggles with eating and how it was for me. I was seen by a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with bulimia.
My eating eventually got better with the help of real life support, as well as online communities like Tellmi. What I really liked was how anonymous Tellmi was, I could post anything and no one would comment about my weight/appearance like people in real life would. Unfortunately I hit another bump in the road of recovery and began restricting my food again and eventually was hospitalised as I was passing out due to lack of food. I was then diagnosed with anorexia.
I was really struggling with the relapse of eating disorder, but the Tellmi community were so supportive and helped me accept relapse is part of recovery. And the wonderful Tellmi community truly are my biggest rooters as you strive for recovery to be free of eating disorders. I’m not perfect, but i’m getting there <3