Dear Anorexia pt. 2

You’ll never leave me
Will you?
I can try and silence your voice
Challenge your logic
Find my fight


But you’ll always be there
My shadow
In my shadow


I’ll be bigger than you
The bigger person
The louder voice


Look me in the eyes
And see my new found fire
My new found will


To live
To feel alive
To become a person


I’ve escaped your cocoon
But your scars still splinter my wings
An ache in my mind


A clench in my stomach
A gnawing at my logic
Tempting me to subvert to fall


But I have risen
From your ashes I form my new self
Dictating my own path now


Changing myself for the better
Growing mentally
By growing physically


I’m scared
So scared
So lost


Sometimes it feels
Out of control
Too fast, too much, too hard


I just want to go back
Comfort in the pain


Familiarity in the uncomfortable
Love in the exhaustion
Ignorance in the hunger


But that’s not a life
Not a life worth living
Not a life i deserve


Not a life everyone deserves
Broken relationships finding
Patchwork moments of healing


I’m trying so hard to be happy
So hard to keep going
And it’s working
Most of the time
Some of the time
It’s working


And it’s so hard to be tired
So hard to have to fight
The world keeps spinning
And I keep trying
And aching
Working through the pain
To find comfort
In something new
But familiar


In ownership

Contributed by Tilly (they/them),
First Steps ED Community Blog