Dear Anorexia pt. 1

Dear anorexia
My friend, my good friend
My rock and my stability
When I can’t see a soloution
You’re always there to guide me
A hand on my shoulder blades
Giving me direction


You give me feeling
When I feel empty
Give me a purpose a reason
A motivation
You tell me what to do
And where to go


Dear anorexia
My friend, my good friend
You’re a constant in my life
You don’t change, or faulter
An anchor to the earth
You ground me
When I’m floating with no meaning


You give me control and power
Over what I do and how I look
You give me authority
Over a body that once ruled me
You give me change
And you give me a chance
To be happy for fleeting moments


But anorexia
My foe, my enemy
You ruined me
You’ve taken everything from me
And left me hollow
You have taken my life
And dictated my actions


I’m not free anymore
You’ve taken that from me
I’m a prisoner in my own home
I don’t have a purpose anymore
A thing to survive for
You’ve taken the world
And made it your own


My foe, my enemy
You’ve taken my joy and memories
You’ve snatched my life
And left it blank
Cleaned my slate of everything good
And left me to pick up the shards
Of a life left unlived


You’ve tired me, anorexia
Tired of fighting and of living
Everyday the same sluggish symphony
I’m shattered anorexia
You’ve shattered me
I can’t function, I can’t thrive
I can’t even think
You’ve taken my whole mind
And emptied it’s contents
Into your personal memory jar
Where you take your victims good
And replace it with your lies.


Why did you do this to me
Why me
I’m so tired of trying, tired of fighting
And it’s all your fault
You’ve ruined me anorexia
I can’t function without you
But I can’t function with you either
There’s a way out
I hope
But where
But how
I can’t see it
You’ve blinded me
Let me see again

Contributed by Tilly (they/them),
First Steps ED Community Blog