What are social gatherings?

A social event or gathering occurs when a group of people come together for several purposes. They allow us to gain insights into different cultures and interests. It is also an opportunity for us to connect and bond over potential shared values.

How do social gatherings affect individuals who suffer from disordered eating?

Often in society, food is at the heart of social gatherings. For many people this is the epitome of an event, it’s the swaying factor, and an opportunity to connect of course. However, for others, feelings of overwhelmingness, daunt and panic arise. Probably all at once. This can be due to many reasons including anxiety or simply just having no interest in socialising. It’s a Tuesday evening; you just want to curl up in your home with a book. I have been there. But for this conversation, let us explore these feelings through an eating disorder lens.

The causes of disordered eating patterns vary exponentially from person to person. It is often viewed that disordered eating patterns stem from an unhappiness of appearance. It is important to acknowledge that eating disorders can also arise due to emotional distress. Unfortunately, food is something that many individuals choose to control during challenging times. So, something as simple as a scone and cappuccino at the cute café round the block, a drink with work colleagues, a birthday dinner, or a visit to your aunty’s house who offers you a biscuit three times may not be as simple as it seems. There is a much larger mental plate or bowl overflowing with emotions and prospective scenarios. Like when you overfill for tea, you cannot carry it to your desk and it’s too hot to sip so you just leave it there and forget about it, or attempt to sip it and it burns you! We can become overwhelmed with contrasting thoughts, that we either avoid them and nothing changes, or we try to carry the emotional baggage, and it ends up spilling as we do not know how to appropriately manage.

Devising an action plan to decline from the situation may feel like the only solution to start with. There is panic initially and we may feel like our control is being away from us. But like we have unintentionally become used to fear, you can condition yourself to experience a new feeling. Because in fact, we can control how we respond. We always have a choice.

You may be thinking that the person who has written this is a mental health specialist. No, I am just an ordinary woman, working 9-5 in my office, trying to be a role model for my sister attempting to try to give hopeful advice that works for me and recovering day by day.

How to balance conflicting thoughts?

So, you have just received an invitation to a picnic lunch with your work colleagues, at 1 pm on Thursday. First thoughts?

A) This is impossible to get out of as it will be halfway through the working day.

B) Let’s check out the menu.

C) How do I fit in and act “normal”

The first step is simple. Do nothing. No RSVP’ing just yet. Take a big, long, deep breath.

Next, grab yourself a piece of paper or use the notes page on your phone and write down your thoughts. Writing down your thoughts is a wonderful way to separate our emotions from our identities. It enables us to realise that the thoughts are just thoughts, we are not defined by them and eventually, they pass.

Then, write down the positive things that YOU would feel from the event. It could be connecting with friends you work with, a longer lunch break 😉, fresh air, etc.

Are you ready for a challenge?

Now we have collated our thoughts, let’s see how we can manage them. For each worry, write down a realistic solution. For example, I am worried about not knowing what I will be eating. Solution: ask a friendly colleague or the organiser. It is important to remember that you are in control from start to end. The freedom is still there to do as you please.

Visualise it. I love to visualise future occurrences to prepare myself and to see the bigger picture.

Now that you know exactly how you feel, you have created solutions that may ease the feelings, finally, you can make your decision 😊

Social gatherings including the holiday season can be a challenging time for many. If we are equipped to manage our emotions in a healthy way by taking one step at a time, a social picnic may not be as daunting as it first seems.

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