How would you explain your identity differs now from when your ED voice was at it’s loudest?
All I could think about when the Eating Disorder voice was at its loudest was food and numbers, it left no room in my mind for anything else.
I am now able to rationalise thoughts and behaviours so they don’t get twisted in my mind, I can get lost in a book without losing concentration, I can exercise in moderation because I enjoy it and, most of all, I am much more able to recognise my emotions and learn how to deal with them healthily which allowed me to be so much more myself rather than the moody, withdrawn person I had become.
Did you still feel like there were parts of yourself (hopes, dreams and passions) throughout the time you were struggling with your ED?
I think my ED twisted my hopes, dreams and passions; they were still mine but not the way I wanted them to be. They became all about how I could ‘thrive’ in my ED rather than what I really wanted, so all the fun and enjoyment was stripped from them until they became part of the compulsions and behaviours I would have to do each day.
If you could give advice to someone experiencing something similar to what you experienced, what would you say?
My advice to someone in a similar situation would be to get help and engage with it as soon as possible, you are already sick enough even if you may not believe it.
It’s so tough but it is so worth it and although it feels impossible it never is. You don’t realise how much it strips from you and forces you into becoming a different person until you make that first step in recovery.